I am feeling so blessed today. I know with Thansgiving coming, everyone is thinking about what they are thankful for. I have so many things that I am thankful for, it takes me all year to think about them- I never have time to stop.
The top of my list includes:
Being a mom
Having whole, healthy, intelligent, amazing children
Having a huge and loving family (Knowing that I will never be alone)
Having a wonderful man who puts up with all my crankiness and still thinks I am wonderful
Carrying these two lovely surro twins as long as I have.
Since I have been pregnant with the twins, I have known three people who have lost twins due to early delivery. I feel so terrible for every complaint I have uttered when I am still carrying healthy and strong children. I am so thankful that I have been blessed to have the ability to carry them this far, keep them strong, and stay healthy myself.
On another note, we had a great conversation in our car on the way to school last week, and I jotted it down. I thought (well, was told by Jason!) that I should post it here since it pertains to this surrogacy journey:
They ask me all the time, "Why are you doing this?" "They" would include perfect strangers, doctors, coworkers, students, my family, and my children. "This" would be the fact that I am a gestational surrogate- I am carrying another couple's children in my womb.
I have thought of and given many answers to this question, but none seem to be sufficient. I have tried to explain this feeling I have that compels me to carry someone else's child under my heart for nine months. I have explained, shared, and pondered this question a million times, yet I never seem to have a clear and understandable answer for anyone other than myself.
Until one day last week, my son asked me for the fourth of fifth time why I wanted to do this. And, finally, the answer that came from my lips seemed to satisfy him. I started like this...
"When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mommy. There were other things I wanted to be too, but I knew that if I could only have one of those things, I would want to have children. I wanted to be just like my mom and have babies to play with, make cookies for, and snuggle in my arms. As I grew older, this feeling never changed. Even when I talked about going to college and having a career, I always knew I wanted to have you children more than anything else.
"When I had your big sister, I knew that being her mommy was what I was meant to be. It was the best feeling I had ever had to hold my baby in my arms and kiss her soft head. And when you and your brother were born, I had the same feeling. I knew I was very blessed to have all of you."
And then I told my son,
"What would have happened if I couldn't have had babies? That was all I ever wanted. That was my most important dream for this life. I would never have been happy if I hadn't been able to have you.
So, when I see your aunt and uncle, good friends, or perfect strangers who can't have a baby, I think of that feeling I had when I was a little girl- and I know that the woman or man that can't have a baby has the same feeling, the same dream. It makes mommy hurt in her heart to think about not having you as my child. And for me to see somebody else so sad inside makes me want to help mend their broken heart. And I know that a family that wants a baby will never have complete happiness without a baby of their own to love."
And then my son said to me,
"So that's why you're a surrogate?"
And I said,
I hope this helps someone's understanding of why surrogate mothers do what they do. For me, it is a gift of love, the helping of a soul reaching for their dreams be able to achieve them. And isn't that what life is all about? To serve, to aid, to lift one another as high as we are able?