Friday, October 26, 2012


Why, when a woman carries her own grandchild, is it a miracle?
Why, when a woman carries her sister's child, is it a blessing?
Why, when a woman carries her best friend's child, is it beautiful?
Why, when a woman carries a stranger's child, is it terrible?
Why, when a woman carries for a couple with no womb of their own, is it a shame?


Thursday, October 25, 2012


Part of me has been avoiding this post.  Part of me has been too busy to write it.  But it is time.
My IPs and I were so excited to begin our sibling journey.  My IM had one more test the doctor wanted to run before we began, and that test delivered the terrible news- we would not be able to retrieve eggs of sufficient quality to attempt another baby.
My IPs came to the decision that they had tried all they could, and they were so blessed to have Isabella. 
I agree.
They decided that it was just too much pain to keep trying and keep losing. 
There will not be a sibling project.
There will be happiness in this amazing child God has blessed them with.
My sweet IM has emailed me to check on me- on me.  And she is the one who lost hope of another child.  And she is the one hurting.  And she is checking on me.
I love this woman.  I love her daughter and I love her husband.  They are my family.
I knew Isabella was a miracle, but I never realized until now that she is the only miracle they will have.  I never realized how everything happened exactly as it was meant to.
I have always questioned myself for finding new IPs and having another baby so quickly after delivering the twins (mostly because of what it has done to my body).  Now, I know that I did it because that was the perfect moment to bring Isabella here. 
This amazing couple gave me a piece of their heart when I carried Isabella.  I gave them a piece of my heart when I returned Isabella to their  arms. 
I keep trying to type the words to show that our journey has ended, that we are ending, but we are not.  Our sibling project has ended, but our journey continues on.
I leave this painful part of our joureney stronger and braver than I was when I began.  We enter the part of our journey where we are friends- and that path will carry us into forever.