Friday, October 26, 2012


Why, when a woman carries her own grandchild, is it a miracle?
Why, when a woman carries her sister's child, is it a blessing?
Why, when a woman carries her best friend's child, is it beautiful?
Why, when a woman carries a stranger's child, is it terrible?
Why, when a woman carries for a couple with no womb of their own, is it a shame?



  1. When one has not gone through the process, it is hard to understand. Unfortunately, so many people around us are very close minded. Just about life in general. But one thing I have learned through the trials in my own personal life is that the only ones that matter are those involved. The only thing that truly matters is that you follow your heart, and do what you feel is best. Obviously you came to know what was best through your own decisions be it through prayer or an analysis of the situation; that's all that should matter.

    You were a tool to help bless a couple who wanted a child of their own, and you were the tool they chose. Being one who will have to go through other means to have children of her own (medication due to PCOS), I can truly understand the blessing you have provided!! Don't lose sight of that!

    1. Angela- I am off to google PCOS. You are awesome. Thank you for sharing your heart with me.

  2. I did not know it was viewed as a shame. I do know that apparently carrying your own grandchild is a shame for some people. My own MIL told my mother (who was bemoaning the fact that she'd had a hysterectomy and couldn't carry for me) that she thought it was gross that my mother was considering since she was my mom. Obviously, she doesn't understand biology and genetics.

    As an intended mother, it's hard to tell people. I hate feeling the shame that comes along with it. It's funny, in contrast I feel like my carrier is held in such high regard for the very noble thing she is doing. And I'm glad she is. I wish I just didn't feel as bad about my own part when I know intellectually I have no reason to feel that way.

  3. Ducky- I am so grateful for your point of view! It is so frustrating that people are so judgmental. The frustrating part is that, in my experience, the harshest critics of surrogacy are those women with many children who have never experienced fertility issues.
    I no longer care what people think of me. I just feel it is such a shame that people cannot understand the beauty of surrogacy. I also hate to see other people hurt by cruel words from the ignorant.

  4. After years and years of surrogacy I can only point to one universal truth. Some people will "get it". Some people will not. Those that get it will always think surrogates are saints (we are not by the way...we are simply people with good and bad like everyone else). Those that don't get it will always think surrogates are wrong and bad. You will not change the opinions of either side, not through talking or education. Know who you are. Know why you are a surrogate. Develop thick skin. And late at night, when you are alone and full of a tumbling baby that is not yours, smile that secret smile that only a surrogate can know. And when you see the looks on the faces of the people that you just made parents, smile it again. I personally no longer give a damn what anyone thinks about surrogacy. They are all allowed to their opinions. I am a surrogate mother and proud to be one.

  5. Susan- again your words are powerful. I couldn't agree more.
    I guess it takes a long time to realize that. I am starting journey #4, and it is the first time I start with my head high without any fear of others' opinions.