Sunday, June 21, 2009

I think I am cranky

My students laugh at me because I try to be cheerful and positive. One of my boys takes his hands in a welcoming, circling gesture and, in his best imitation of me, says, "this is a happy place" to show that I am happy, or I am a dork, or something like that. It doesn't look very cute here in print, and probably doesn't make any sense, but it actually makes me happy to know that they realize that I want happiness in my life and for everyone to have somewhere that makes them feel happy.
As I sit here in my house, it is completely silent except for the sound of my fingers on the keyboard. I think about how, for me, happiness is not a place, it is the people I love. It really doesn't matter where I am, as long as I am with the people that make any place a "happy place."
With that in mind, I have decided that I am probably cranky now that I am completely alone!
Jason and I just returned today from our weeklong trip to South Padre, San Antonio, Marble Falls, and Austin. It was a great trip, relaxing on the beach, apartment hunting with my sister, taking a boat on the Riverwalk, floating on the lake and reading books, and getting to visit friends in Austin. He has gone home, and I am alone- I used to like this, now, it just seems quiet.
As far as the surrogacy goes, this has been an odd week! I spent 7 days (from Thursday to Thursday) with headaches that made me hurt and eventually made me nauseated. I finally called the doctor and got a pill to take that is safe for pregnancy and effective. Yay- no more headaches! Hopefully I remember this next time I have a problem instead of suffering! The other bummer is that I can't eat fried food, spicy (even mildly) food, greasy food, and I can only eat if I eat at the exact right time, or I won't be hungry. I don't think my kids ever caused this much disruption of my digestive system.
The entertaining news is that my chest has grown- enough that my 5 year old even noticed. Braden said, "Mom, your boobs are taller" when he came in and I was still laying in bed one morning a couple weeks ago. My belly is still small, but it is definitely there. I am pretty sure I was nowhere near showing yet with my other pregnancies. I finally gave in and went into Gap Maternity and bought a few pairs of shorts. Maternity clothes have come a long way from when I was last pregnant. Instead of a huge balloon to go over your entire belly, there is just a stretchy band a few inches wide- who knew? The pants are great, they don't fall down even though I am still tiny, but (in theory) will stretch to accomodate my soon-to-be gigantic belly.

The kids are on vacation with their Nana. I miss them so very much. They have only been gone a week, but knowing they will be gone for two more weeks just makes me so sad. It is not in a mother's heart to be without her children this long. The only joy I feel from this agony is the joy that I will have them again soon. And then maybe it will be a while before they drive me bonkers
And for Father's Day/my profound thoughts on life: I am so grateful to have a father who loves me and has taken care of me and supported me no matter what my entire life. I am so grateful to have a stepfather who loves me and has helped me grow up to be independent. I have thought today of them, and of my grandpa, and of Alfred, the father of one of my dear friends who recently passed away, and I am comforted in knowing that it is not sad that they are missed, it is because they are missed that they will be remembered, and because they will be remembered, they will live forever in those whose lives they shaped. The power of a father's influence is great and never ends.

1 comment:

  1. you always have such great things to say....hope you feel better soon! No more headaches or food aversions!