I realize that I have the greatest gift in the world. I have a very large and ever growing family. I have the security of knowing that I will never walk alone and that my children will never walk alone if/when I am gone one day.
Even better, I have a family that loves me and supports me no matter what I do, no matter what dumb mistakes I have made (over, and over, and over). So, it seems only logical that they will support me in this journey to give a dear boy a sibling.
Which makes me wonder why I am so afraid to tell them. I think I have had so many negative reactions when I have brought up the subject of surrogacy that I am afraid to tell anyone. I have blurted it out right out of the blue and nearly caused a car accident (sorry Dad!). I have explained it carefully and from the beginning (I would like to talk to you about something very important). I have brought it up in a casual conversation (Speaking of...).
It doesn't seem to matter how I bring it up, very few people seem to support it. Well, that is not exactly true. What I have noticed is that people seem to support surrogacy in general and like to say how it is a beautiful gift. BUT, they don't actually want their child/sister/friend to do it.
Is it out of concern for my health? My sanity? My children? Do they know that this child is not related to me in any way? Do they know the pain in the eyes of the woman who can not bear her own child? Do they know of the joy I feel when I have a child growing inside me? Do they know that I feel so good and right about doing this? Do they know that I have never felt more strongly about anything as I do about doing this?
I hope and pray that these people I love will support me in this choice. I hope that I handle myself well. I hope that they see the love in my heart. Obviously, they know I am strong-willed and will carry on anyways, but it is not to be stubborn; it is to follow the calling of my heart.
This is my life. It was given to me to live the best way I can. My heart is full of the joy and hope I see and feel from my children every day. And this choice, as all the choices I make are, is made for us.