It is amazing how fast time flies. With a daughter going into high school this coming fall, I shouldn't be surprised at how quickly time goes by (or how old I feel!), but I am...
I was completely excited to begin my third surrogacy as a sibling project for Isabella. I knew that the many complications of finding somebody who I could trust and who could trust me was irrelevant. I knew that we wouldn't need to worry about what to put in a contract or what type of relationship we would have. I knew it was all good :)
Contracts went by in a fast blur. A few name changes, date changes, a signature and a notary, and we were done.
The drive to Houston and the trips to the clinic have been minimal: A utero-hystero-scopy-water-check appointment was offset by a lunch with my girls (see previous post), a lining check appointment turned up a beautiful and ready-to-go uterus (go my body and awesome hormone pills!), and then they gave us a transfer date.
Meds have been short and sweet: Since we are doing a frozen transfer, I am the only one cycling, and we were able to start the cycle with my body's own natural timing, and the whole thing takes only 3 weeks. Pills in the morning, pills in the evening, and I only started shots five days before transfer.
At my last appointment, my IM and Isabella came to talk to our nurse/coordinator and have lunch. While we were down ordering lunch, the IVF doctor came down to get lunch (apparently there is only one place to eat), and he got to see Isabella. He has told her parents how much he likes to see the babies he has helped to grow- and that makes me like him just a little bit more than I did before. We had a fabulous lunch, Isabella threw chicken all over the floor and ate french fries with me until her mom took them away. Fun times!
While we were walking out of the restaurant, I picked Isabella up and carried her for a little bit. I looked at her, this beautiful child I was holding, and at her mother. And I realized that not only was I going to help a couple become parents, I was going to help Isabella become a big sister. My heart filled with such love and happiness. I hugged A, blew Isabella a kiss (she kissed her hand, but hasn't quite gotten to the blowing the kiss part yet), and waved goodbye.
I came home and started my shots that night.
We have two frozen embryos waiting for a chance to grow.
I am terrified that they will not survive the thaw. I am terrified that we will show up on transfer day and they will say that neither one survived. I am terrified of having to look at the faces of my IPs at such a loss.
However, everything that has led me to this moment and the example shown to my by two sets of IPs teach me to live in hope. There is a hope that lives within my soul, that tells me that it is possible, that if it is meant to be, then these embryos will survive the thaw.
We are hoping and praying for a successful transfer on Monday.
I am excited and nervous.
My heart is full of love and hope.