Surro limbo

I am waiting.
I am unsure what I am waiting for, but I am waiting for it just the same.
I suppose I am waiting for my IPs to decide if they want to move forward and try to make Isabella a big sister again.  I can not imagine the difficulty of their decision.  They must weigh the odds of a successful egg retrieval, fertilization, embryo growth, transfer, and pregnancy with the devastation that will result if any of these steps go wrong.  I can not imagine the anguish it must take to make this decision, and for this reason, I wait.
I want to make the decision for us, I want to decide that it is a good idea to move forward, but it is not my heart that will be broken if this next attempt doesn't work.  So, I try desperately to convince myself that I cannot make the world bend to my will, and I try, with success, not to pester my IPs with questions regarding their readiness to move forward (this is a big step for me).
I am waiting.
I am unsure what I will do if they decide not to move forward.  Will I find new IPs because I want just one more journey?  Will my husband change his mind and decide he wants to have a child of his own?  I am unsure.  I know I want to do this whole crazy pregnant woman routine just one more time.  I feel it.  It is a need I feel deep in my soul.  I sometimes wonder if I will always feel this way and need to make myself stop having babies, or if I am meant to cart around another baby for ten months.
I am waiting.
For me, this is big.  For me, this is growth.  For me, waiting is nearly impossible.  But I am doing it.  Out of love for my IPs, out of fear for making the wrong choice, out of hope for the "right" choice to manifest itself, I wait.
I am in surrogate limbo right now- I don't like it one little bit- and I am waiting.