Why do we make these beautiful vows to our partners/spouses when we marry them, but not to our children when they are born?
When my daughter was an infant, I remember telling her out loud my promise to her. And this promise is carried on through all four of my children.
Here is my vow to my child.
Because you exist, I love you. As long as my heart beats, I will love you endlessly and accept you as you are and as you choose to be. I have no expectations of who you should become, what you should do, or what you will one day do for me.
I will always be here, holding space for you inside my heart and inside my home. You will always be welcome, and you will always be wanted. I hope when you think of me, you think "home".
I hope for you a life full of love and joy and happiness. I will never tell you how to live it. I trust you to know the path that you should tread.
I love you. I love you because you are a part of me. Not because you are literally pieces of me that I built with my own bones and blood and body (but I love that too), but because from the moment I first held you, I have thought of you. I have given to you more than I thought I had to give- because of you, I have found that the well of love inside me is unending. You fill it with enough beautiful things that it will never run dry. I will nourish and cherish and support you every moment of your childhood and hopefully for the rest of my life. I have sacrificed my well-being and my dreams for the dream of being your mother, and it is still my favorite dream made true. I did not know when I met you that the longer I know you, the deeper I love you.
I accept you as you are and will love you through all of your changes. Whoever you choose to become, I will love that version of you as well. No matter what you look like, act like, think like, do. I do not love you because you are smart or clever or beautiful (even though you are). I do not love you because of anything you have or haven't done. And I will not love you more or less for anything.
You do not owe me anything. I do not expect you to provide me with grandchildren or take care of me when I am old. Everything I do for you, I do because I choose to. Because I want to. Because it fills my soul with joy to give to you.
I will love you whether you achieve your dreams, or fail at everything you undertake.
I will love you if you come to visit, and if you don't.
I will love you if you have many babies and if you have none at all.
I will love you no matter where you go and no matter what you do.
I will love you endlessly.
I will love you if you never marry or get married seven times.
Time. Space. Distance. Choices. None of these matter.
I love you. I love that I grew you under my heart. I love that I watched you grow into an adult human. I love that no matter where you go or what you do, you will know that your mom loves you more than her own life. I love that I have shown you this love in big and small ways. From kissing a smashed finger to burning down the world.
I do not care who or what you become. It does not matter what you do with your life. I do not care. You matter because you are my child. The act of existing makes you worthy of my love and my acceptance.
People spend their lives searching for their true love. I didn't have to search for mine. I grew my own. You are my true love. The only love that knows no limits and expects no return. You will be my greatest love for the rest of my life.
I will always show up.
I will always choose you.
I will fly across the sea or burn down a bridge.
I will hold your hand in the dark and wield a sword by your side.
I will never not adore you.
My most precious child, you are life to me, more important than breath.
You are my heart, my world and all the stars. I love you across the sea and into tomorrow.
8/13/23
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