Monday, May 11, 2020

Being a Mom

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Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done.
It is putting all of my energy and love and hope into someone else.  
It is someone else's actions affecting my happiness.
I am only as strong as my weakest child.
I am brave even when I am afraid.
I feed them, even if I have to crawl.
I protect them, even when it puts me in danger.
I hold on to relationships I do not want and let go of relationships I want to keep.
I choose a career and a home that fits their needs.
I choose what is best for them instead of what is best for me.
I have lost years of sleep.
I have destroyed my body.
I have spent 69 months breastfeeding and 40 months pregnant.
I fail.  Again.  And again.  And again.
To be honest, there are days that I want to run away.  
It is that hard.

Being a mom is a contradiction.
My children have the power to break my heart, but they are also the reason my heart beats.
I want to get away from them, but then miss them terribly.
They make me crazy and they keep me sane.
They are the reason I breathe and the reason I want to scream.
They are my greatest joy and my greatest fear.
Watching them grow fills me with happiness and nostalgia.
I can't wait for them to get to the next stage, but then mourn the last.
I celebrate their successes and catch them when they fall.

But being a mom is the best thing I have ever done.
My children have made me strong.
They have taught me how to give.
For them, I learned how to never give up.
To care for them, I have done things I never would have done for myself.
To protect them, I have gained courage I never knew I had.
To provide for them, I have pushed myself to the limit and found success.
To love them, I have learned selflessness.
To set an example for them, I have become a more honest and responsible human.
For them, I have become the best version of myself.
Although I fail them so often, they continue to amaze me with their resilience, their kindness, their goodness and their love.
When I see who they are becoming, I know I succeeded more than I failed.
And even on the hardest days, I love them more than breathing,
more than sunshine.

Parents say they will do anything for their kids
Burn down the world for them
Kill for them
Die for them

I continue to do anything for my kids
Burn down bridges and build new ones
Fight for them
Live for them

They are worth it.




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