Isabella is due in five weeks- well, actually she is due in 4 weeks and 3 days (if my math is right).
She is growing just like she should. Her bottom is under the right side of my ribs, and when she pushes, I feel my ribs go "ow" and I have a numb feeling push down on my left leg. I think she is a little bit diagonal in there, but I am sure she will scoot down in time. Does that make sense?
Everything is wonderful. My children are healthy. Isabella is growing like she should. My husband is moving home in twelve days. I feel like I am making forward progress at work. My house, amazingly, is mostly clean. I have an amazing family. I am growing a miracle for another amazing family. What more can I say?
Let me think really hard.... hmm...
I guess I always come back to the same thought. I am carrying another woman's child. To me, this is just a normal part of my life. But when I tell people this, they look at me funny. I realize somewhere in my mind that this is not "normal" for most people.
I can understand this.
I can understand my friend's husband who thinks it is crazy.
I can understand the child who doesn't understand.
I can understand my sister saying "I could never do that".
I can understand my father not wanting to talk about it.
What I don't understand is the negativity, the judgement, and the rudeness with which so many people view surrogacy.
What I don't understand is the woman with six children telling me she could never "do that to my children".
What I don't understand is the church member who tells me it is wrong, but can't tell me why.
What I don't understand is the childless woman with no sister, no friend, no loved-one who will heal her broken heart.
What I don't understand is people asking, "why don't they just adopt?" (and I think, "well, why didn't YOU just adopt instead of having your own child?)
Surrogacy is a medical miracle. It is a gift from God.
Surrogacy is beautiful. Through surrogacy, I have extended my family to include two more. I have watched pain turn into joy. I have watched heartache turn into beauty. I have seen faith turn into life. I have seen hope turn into motherhood.
And I have learned- faith, hope, love, compassion, sacrifice, endurance, patience, and humility.
And I hope, somewhere in this journey, I have taught my children something about love.
What a great post!!!
ReplyDeleteEmily, I first read the full term post you wrote about on facebook, then scrolled down to find this entry. It made me cry. It is amazing to me that people don't understand that what you are doing is beautiful. It is also amazing to me the flack that a surrogate receives, especially compared to how little we have gotten - probably because we have the two miraculous products of our conspiring together. Who can look at those two precious babies, and me and their father loving them so much, and not understand?
ReplyDeleteBelieve me when I say that your name comes up a LOT in my life. We carry you in our hearts, yes, and we talk about you to people quite often. Not once has anyone said something negative or judgmental about the surrogacy to us, at least that I know of, and virtually everyone sings your praises. And why wouldn't they? I have to surmise that it is easier to see the divine in what you are doing when people can see our end of the story, how blessed we feel to have our babies, and how complete our and Nico's lives are with them here. Too bad we couldn't escort you, walking and hand and hand down every public path you take, during this pregnancy, so everyone can see that :-)
We have also learned faith, hope, and love in our journey with you - from you. Thank you Emily.