I am excited to get back into a routine and have work to occupy my mind. I am anxious to see how my students are doing and be a useful citizen of Earth again. I am worried though that the normal stresses of working will make the pregnancy more uncomfortable. I am so anal about everything being done a certain way (my way of course) that I always do everything myself and I know that I won't be able to this year. One of my surro friends is already on bedrest at this stage in pregnancy, and I am just so thankful that I am healthy, the babies are healthy, and I am able to carry on with mostly normal levels of activity.
Speaking of surro friends, I belong to an online community called surromomsonline.com. It is a fantastic place for surrogates, intended parents, and anybody who wants to learn more about surrogacy to find tons of information. It is also a place where I receive lots of support from other people who understand what I am going through. I was able to meet my surro friend Denise in person when I went to Houston two weeks ago for lunch. We are due within days of each other and it was really fun to talk about surrogacy, teaching, kids, and many other things we have in common! Off my advertising plug now...
The twins are growing in great leaps and bounds. The last few days have brought about a lot more movement from this little girl. So now, both sides of my tummy are moving and it is fun when they both move at the same time. I have never had this big of a party in my belly at once! I am still shocked every time I look in the mirror and realize how big I actually am. I tried on some work clothes yesterday, and there is a maternity work shirt that doesn't fit already- how bizarre!
The twins are growing in great leaps and bounds. The last few days have brought about a lot more movement from this little girl. So now, both sides of my tummy are moving and it is fun when they both move at the same time. I have never had this big of a party in my belly at once! I am still shocked every time I look in the mirror and realize how big I actually am. I tried on some work clothes yesterday, and there is a maternity work shirt that doesn't fit already- how bizarre!
My back hurts sometimes, but not too much yet. I just need to make sure I lay, sit, and stand in correct amounts or I get to aching. I feel really good most of the time, but have been feeling a bit cranky lately. Hopefully this leaves and I can feel like a nice sweet person for a while before I become whale-sized. My new and favorite solution to pregnancy sleeping is the fabulous Walmart candy cane pillow, as modeled by my daughter. It is actually much more comfortable the way I use it, but she wanted to be in the picture, so she is.
The twins parents have been thinking of names, and have told me the two they are currently thinking of using. They are names I would never have considered for my children, which is just another unique part of surrogacy. We are testing them out and will see what their parents decide.
The journey is going well so far. I have had many people question how I will emotionally handle this. I have had many people question these children not being mine. Well, today I had someone say something I am having a hard time abosrbing, so I am going to explain one little side note on how I view this surrogacy: I had someone today tell me I was the "birth mother" of these children. Well, I am NOT. Just because I have been caring for and carrying them for the first part of their lives, does not make me their mother. The fact that I am going to suffer physical pain to bring them into the world does not make me their mother- for the life of a child, any child, I would suffer pain. Who wouldn't?
I would challenge anyone to look into the eyes of these childrens' mother and tell her that she is not their mother. If I were to be taken away from my children for a year and someone else cared for them, would they belong to that woman? NO. These children that I am caring for have a mother and a father. It is a chance of fate that their mother cannot carry them. For this brief time, I am their host, their home, their protector, their nurturer, but never for a single moment have I been their mother. I am honored to be able to bring them into the world. I am humbled that God chose to give me a body that allows me to grow the miracles He creates. And I will be happy to see these children in the arms of their mother. I am a mother. I am a surrogate. They are two different things.
My mother always used to tell me when I complained about my life that "you choose your life every day. If you don't like it, do something about it." The awesome thing about that saying now is that I am choosing this life, and I like it. I am striving to be happy and raise happy children. We set goals and then we reach for them. My kids have no cavities, they can't think of a single thing they 'need' that they don't have, and every day they tell me they love me. What could be better than that?
