Wednesday, March 11, 2009


So, I know I am crazy impatient and I am trying to work on it. But seriously, I waited so patiently to get a calendar (for the surro transfer), worked out a schedule with work and the kids, and have been doing everything I am supposed to for two and a half weeks. Every night, I use my blue highlighter and cross off each day. Every night, I count how much longer we have until transfer. Totally anal, but it makes me happy.
And then, today, I get home from work and there is an email saying that the cycle has been pushed back a week. Aaahhhh! I cannot handle this. Worse than a phone call where I can ask questions and get new dates set in my head, it is an email that I cannot respond to. I have to wait all the way until tomorrow to figure out if the IVF nurse meant we are exactly one week later, or into the next week which will be like two weeks later. I also don't know if my appointment on Friday is a go or if it is cancelled!
I know these are ridiculous worries, and in the grand scheme of things it is much better to wait until everything is perfect before proceeding, but I hate it when my schedule is totally obliterated. Maybe this is God's way of teaching me that I do not actually control the schedule.
I will be fine and patient, but it is so frustrating because I am so excited for the transfer to be here!
I also don't love the hot flashes, headaches, tiredness, and overall crazy feeling that the drugs are giving me (not all at the same time, but still there)! I want so badly to reach our goal of giving C and A a beautiful baby.
I feel better now that I have vented this all out. Hopefully tomorrow I will get new dates, but I guess we may just be on hold until we find out if the evil little cyst the egg donor has is going away or still rearing its ugly little head.
I will try to remember how blessed I am that I did not have to go through all this boloney to have my babies and know that the mild irritation this causes now will be forgotten soon when we have healthy little embies growing.
I am going to work on my patience now.

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