Somewhere between despair and rage

 

I find myself somewhere between despair and rage.

I despair that we teach our daughters that they are strong and brave,

that they are smart and equally intelligent to men

that they are capable of making decisions and running the world.

We tell them to be leaders, to break glass ceilings

to shatter the out-dated belief that women can't

We tell these daughters that they can

We tell these daughters nothing can stop them if only they believe

If only they work, and strive and persevere

If only they prove to the world that they can and they are

They will be enough 

They will be enough to change the world

 For years, women have fought, bled, died to see them succeed

to see them run, to see them soar on wings denied to us-

And then I watch the patriarchy hand them a plate

with the past being served as the future

with the pain inflicted upon generations of women

served up as tomorrow's reality

Our leaders erase the progress we have made 

They claim to love "life"

and I call them out on their lies

They claim the life of the unborn must be protected

They do not protect a woman's blood and body, heart and soul

They do not even see her-

I tell my daughters that they are precious and powerful humans

And perhaps that is the greatest lie

I despair.

I rage.

I rage against the patriarchy

against our elected leaders

against the Supreme Court 

against everyone who supports this abhorent law they have placed in our path

this "heartbeat" bill

that tells a woman the tiny heartbeat inside her is all that matters

not her own heartbeat

not her safety

not her mental health

not her body

not her future

not her will

not even her life.

I rage against these people who tell us that we cannot make our own medical decisions

who tell us we are nothing more than an incubator for life-

whether we consent or not

whether we want it or not

whether it will kill us or not

whether it will survive or not.

I rage against everyone who supports this choice

who does not have a utersus

who has never been pregnant

who has never known what it feels like to be pregnant and afraid

I rage against you

You should not have a voice at this table

You should sit down

You should, quite frankly, shut the hell up.

I rage for the young girl forced to carry her brother in her own body

I rage for the disabled young woman who had no ability to consent, who doesn't understand the pain of what is happening inside of her

I rage for the high school student who made one wrong choice and will now live her life with the proof of her shame as the center of her life

I rage for the girl carrying a child that will not live outside the womb that she must continue to feel living inside of her, knowing that it is a false hope, but not able to give up

I rage for the woman from a broken home who found out she was pregnant after her husband left her

I rage for the college student who was gang raped at a party and must carry the child of a man she can never name

I rage for the women who will live lives they cannot afford, raise children they do not want, and suffer psychological trauma because of this law

I rage for me

I rage for my daughters

I rage for the millions of women who will die because history does not lie.

Abortion will never stop

Abortion will become deadly, dangerous to the very women whose lives we should be protecting.

Women will bleed.  And women will die.

We.  Will.  Die.

I rage with the blood of generations of women running through my veins.

The women who survived your abuse and your rape and your servitude, who lived and died in the hope the world would be kinder to their daughters.  They rage.

I rage with the fury of the lies we have been told- 

for with your vote and your law and your judgement

you bind me in shackles to assert your control and shape my future without my consent

(which I guess, in the end, is the point of your law).  

Images from: https://www.latimes.com/opinion/la-xpm-2014-mar-25-la-ol-the-coat-hanger-symbol-of-dangerous-preroe-abortions-is-back-20140324-story.html and https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/07/10/i-perform-abortions-the-men-i-date-often-see-me-as-a-political-symbol/