Thursday, July 30, 2009

18 1/2 weeks- we are home!

It has been an intense 3 1/2 weeks. I left home on July 3rd and returned on July 29th. I went from Salt Lake City, to Lake Tahoe, to Pacific Grove, to San Diego, to Houston, and home again. It feels so good to be in my house, in my chair typing, in my car driving, or in the grocery store just buying groceries!
The kids and I had fun and wore ourselves out. Both Triston and Katie ended up with swimmer's ear leading to ear infections on the trip. All three of the kids got too much sun. Braden learned to swim. We walked on the beach. We saw dearly loved friends and family, and met the newest members of our world (twin cousins, an niece, and a best friend's baby).
The surrogacy is going really well. At the end of week 17, I felt one episode of absolutely fabulous movement from one of the twins. I was so excited that they were finally moving enough to feel on the outside! Well, that was apparently a one time deal. Since then, it is back to subtle movements from within. I feel great and just eat, sleep, eat, sleep, repeat. I am sleeping about 10 hours a night and eating about 6 times a day. I feel no sickness anymore! I do get muscle aches in my belly and have to lay down sometimes to take the pressure off.
The really fun news is that my belly has tripled in size in the last two weeks. I went from barely showing when I left on vacation, to very visibly pregnant when I got home. Clothes I took on my trip quit fitting midtrip- oops!
I had a box of maternity clothes waiting when I got home though, so now I have clothes that fit!
I am really, really, really looking forward to this Sunday, and especially Monday. My IPs (The twins' parents) and their soon-to-be big brother are coming to visit on Sunday and stay in town for the ultrasound on Monday. I am looking forward to them being able to see where we live, meet the family, and - most importantly- meet the kids. I have talked to the children about them and have tried to make them seem very real so the kids will understand where the babies are going. They have talked on the webcam, but not in person. I feel that it is so important for my kids to know who these children belong to. I think it will help with closure when the babies are born, and with the understanding that we are helping create a family. I often tell them that we are making "N" a big brother. My children, although they think they don't, love each other so much and think everyone should have a brother or sister. So, I am so excited for this.
And, on Monday... the BIG ultrasound! We will get to look at all the little organs and body parts of the babies to make sure they are developing properly. We will get to see how they are arranging themselves in there and watch them move. We will also get to- if they cooperate- see if we have boys/girls/boy and girl playing in my tummy. I just can't wait to see them. Mostly, I can't wait to watch their parents see them. That is the moment I am waiting for.
There are many dangers to pregnancy, there are so many life changes that must be made to properly care for these babies in utero, and there are so many things that would be easier to do. However, with each day of this pregnancy, with each call to their parents, with each movement I feel, with each moment of this journey, I feel a surety that this is exactly what I should be doing, when I should be doing it. I know that prayers are answered, and I know that this surrogacy, for my family and the family waiting for these children, is an answer to prayer.
I have been told what a wonderful gift I am giving, how selfless I am, and many other undeserved compliments. But I have found this to be one of the most humbling experiences of my life. I am awed by the miracle of life, and incredibly blessed to be participating in the creation of it.

Monday, July 13, 2009

16 Weeks!!!

I am so excited! We are 16 weeks pregnant, my belly is finally starting to pop out and look pregnant instead of pudgy, and I feel- GREAT!
I don't know if it is from being on vacation, being out of the vile heat of an East Texas summer (Jason's car thermometer read 113 this afternoon!), or finally hitting a "good" point of a twin pregnancy, but I just feel good, healthy, and normal. The babies aren't really moving yet, I feel a bump here and there, but that is all. I figure I am actually feeling them since I seem to know where they are located- but I may just be delusional. My dr told me I should be able to feel them move this week... but he may have just been placating me.
The kids and I are here in PG. We spent almost a week in Tahoe with dad at the house there and enjoyed the lake and the beach most every day. The kids even got to go to the arcade at the casino- they loved it! We had fun and came here yesterday. I don't understand why, I thought I was happy in Tahoe, but as soon as we got out of the car here, I felt elated! It is like everything just clicked into focus and I remembered everything I wanted to do, what needs to be done, and I felt so lighthearted and happy!
Last night we saw Megan's family and got to meet their newest addition, Maya. She is beautiful and so quiet compared to all the other kids. The boys were so sweet to her; they just melt my heart when they take such good care of little ones. I saw my grandma and - finally- told her about the surrogacy. As I knew deep down she would be, she was fine and didn't die of a stroke! I feel so much peace now that she knows, I didn't realize how much it bothered me not to tell her.
We are looking forward to a great week here, the kids getting to visit with our family and friends, and I am looking forward to these durn babies moving!!!
I will have pictures soon- of our fabulous trip and my rockin' baby bump!
I still can't believe that we are four months pregnant already- it is going by so fast now...
Profound thoughts on life: Whoever said you can't go home again was wrong. I come home again every summer. It feels like home every time. And it fills me with a peace and joy I know nowhere else. So, you can go home again. Or, at least I can...

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

14 weeks and counting

This week is going much better than last week. I think knowing that I will get to see the kids in a few days and that I will be in PG where it isn't over 100 degrees is making me excited!

Fortunately, I have been feeling good for the most part this week.

The bad: I still get headaches off and on, but they haven't been bad enough lately to warrant taking medicine. I am really tired in the mornings and have to sit down between things like brush teeth, sit down and brush hair, makeup, sit down and rest, get dressed, sit down and rest. Then, mid morning I have been feeling nauseated. I seem to have energy in the afternoon, and then crash by dinner time. My guts are still a mess and I hate eating out. Home cooked food makes my tummy so much happier.

The good: I have a little baby bump now! The twins are each the size of a lemon this week and they can make faces, have fingerprints, and their bodies are catching up in proportion to their heads. I have been buying maternity clothes as my regular clothes are becoming uncomfortable at this point. I am still small enough that some people don't notice, but some do. I can't exactly feel the babies moving, but I can tell when they are moving around because everything inside seems to shift around and the pressure changes.
The humorous: I have to pee sooo often! I can go an hour and a half or so, but then I will go like three times in the next hour. I have no idea how I will survive the plane and car trips I will soon be taking! Also, one of my friends told her neighbor that I was pregnant and I said, "don't worry, it's not mine." Oh, the look on his face was hilarious. Some people get it and it is simple, but some people don't get it at all. I think I am erring on the side of not explaining- way too much for most people to deal with.
The Doctor: I had my monthly ob visit on Monday. I got to hear both heartbeats- one at 150 and one at 160. The cool thing was that the nurse found the heartbeats right where I thought each baby was. One is right in the middle, and one is over on the right. This really makes me feel more confident about my ability to understand and read what is going on in my body.
I have been really worried about not gaining weight, but I gained 2 pounds! Doctor was happy. He said I am very "entertaining". I am not sure why... maybe my strange sense of humor?... my sarcasm?... Either way, he leaves laughing every time and tells me I am doing great- which is all I want to know anyway.
Profound thought for the day: I have told my IPs that I want to have a picture up of them and their son in our home so that the kids and I remember why we are doing this. I was thinking about this this morning, and realized that there was a different picture I needed to put up to remind us why we are doing this. And I already have. They are the pictures of my kids. My blessings.
So, everything is going great. I get my kids in a few days, I am feeling better **hoping and praying** that I won't be the vacation party-pooper, and we are headed to the beach. My kids, me, and the beach... perfection.